Does being a woman at work look different than being a man? Not necessarily. But are there challenges women face at work that makes going to the office more difficult? Absolutely. For myself, and many women I talk to, our biggest challenge in the workplace is figuring out how we should act. The world tells us we can’t be feminine and strong. We can’t be successful and respected.
Early in my career I too believed I couldn’t be successful unless I proved I could act like a man at my job. So as I set out to make it in the field of broadcast journalism I tried to show I could be “aggressive” and “tough.”
Fortunately, I failed miserably. I say fortunately because turns out I just wasn’t very good at acting like a man – and that’s okay with me. It felt wrong trying to be someone I wasn’t. After all, God had made me a woman with my own set of feminine strengths. Now, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t still be good at my job, and couldn’t be aggressive in a positive way.
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Challenges Women Face at Work
I work in a city filled with successful strong women. And that’s great! But when you talk to many of these women they feel they have to put up a hardened exterior or men won’t respect them. They feel that men are also intimidated by their success. Worse yet, they also feel that if they are able to gain men’s respect through “acting like a man” they’re not well-liked and called derogatory names behind their back.
Discrimination
Is it true? Are women still discriminated against in the workplace simply because of their sex? According to the National Journal – yes. Is it widespread? I’m not sure. While I have seen examples of discrimination, I have also worked with more men who appreciate hard-working, thoughtful and smart women.
So how do we handle our fear that we’ll be seen as weak if we’re too feminine – or worse– domineering and bossy when we’re direct and confident? We can either worry about the situation – or we can prove it is possible to succeed in the workplace while maintaining our femininity. But that may mean making a few changes on our end too.
Emotions
It’s no revelation that women are more emotional than men. I once read that women release a special hormone when they cry that makes us feel better. I’m not sure if this is true, but it makes sense to me. I know I always feel better after I cry. But I think there is a thin line between our natural emotions, and letting them control us. I’ve had to learn not to stuff my feelings away, but also not to let them get the better of me just because someone is short with me. Forgiveness and grace are two tools I’ve come to rely on when dealing with people at work and learning to control my emotions.
“It’s not personal, it’s business”
We all get frustrated with people we work with – that’s just how life goes. In the past, even if I tried my best not to show if I was frustrated or angry with a co-worker, I couldn’t stop myself from seething at my desk. What good does that do? My emotions were just the surface of the real issue: I had to figure out what was causing them. Then it hit me. I was taking everything personally. If my boss sent back a column with red edits all over it, I figured clearly he hated it and thought I was a terrible writer. Then I reasoned with myself a bit. No, he didn’t hate me; actually, on a personal level, I knew he did like me. It was just that he wanted to fix my work to make it better.
Getting Defensive
Years ago when I started a new job I noticed that I kept getting into arguments with a fellow male coworker, while he and another male coworker also had disagreements, but always seemed to work out a solution.
I explained my situation to my boyfriend (now husband!) who pointed out what was really going on.
Every time my coworker criticized an idea of mine, I immediately got defensive and tried to pin the blame elsewhere. I then realized he just wanted my respect, the same thing I wanted in return.
From then on if it was an issue I didn’t feel that strongly about I said, “sounds great.” If I genuinely wanted to know why I just asked him. “Could you explain to me why you think that’s a better idea? I’m just trying to understand.”
If I flat out disagreed with his decision, I also asked him for further explanation and afterward explained to him (calmly) why I still believed my idea would best help us in the office. (Quick tip: Using “us” and “we” is a great tool when trying to avoid unnecessary conflict).
Sometimes he still shot down my idea, but most of the time he listened and took my advice. Working with people is about compromise, and letting the other person know you’re here to work with them, not against them.
Strengths in the Workplace
I’ve decided that instead of playing a victim, I will tackle “challenges” of being a woman and to the best of my ability, turn them into opportunities to grow. Because imagine what we can do when we leverage our strengths, too.
Relational
Women are naturally more relational than men. We love working in teams and listening to other people’s ideas. We provide encouragement and help people become the best they can be. We’re also good at drawing out other people’s strengths.
Generally, we’re more empathetic, too. It’s nice to have that one person in the office that lends an ear to listen, or even a shoulder to cry on. This helps build strong and healthy working relationships and a trusting environment.
Intuition
Ever heard of a women’s intuition? Women are better at picking up on subtle cues from people – whether it’s tone or body language. Therefore, we’re great at picking up on signs of confusion, frustration or anger. It usually drives us to pursue a follow-up question or conversation for more clarity – and often – find solutions to problems others may have missed.
Know How to Compromise
Sadly, “compromise” can be seen as a weakness, but the opposite is true. No laws would ever get passed, products sent to market or successful marriages made without compromise. It’s not just essential to keeping the peace, but essential to productivity. Two oxen constantly butting heads will never plow a field. Compromise not only allows movement and progression but for good ideas to become better. According to the Pew Research Center, 34% of women excel at compromise compared to men’s 9%. Let’s use it to our advantage to find the best ideas.
See the Big Picture
Women tend to look at our coworkers as whole people, not just someone we work with. We take into account their personal lives, their frustrations, and their joys. Women constantly seek out a resolution with people because we believe it’s important to move forward.
We also fight more to improve quality of life. Because of that, we tend to gravitate towards filling in the gaps at work where others may have missed it. We like to help and support our co-workers believing their success is our success.
And so as not to think I’m only touting that women bring something special to the workplace, men have many great qualities to emulate as well. They are great at managing and delegating, asking for what they want directly, taking risks and separating their personal and professional lives to remain more focused at work.
They can also be just as empathetic, kind, and nurturing as women. The point of this article is not to pit men against women, but to see that offices or companies are healthiest and most successful when embrace and appreciate both.
Just look at Romans 12:
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.
Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.
As women sometimes we deal with the added pressure of proving ourselves in the workforce, either because of real discriminations or false pretenses we have of men. But it’s been my experience that any coworker or employee that works hard, stays focused and remains kind would be an asset to any office – regardless if they are male, or female.
If you liked this, you might also be interested in:
- How to Stop the Other War on Women
- 10 Lessons Women Can Learn from Shark Tank
- Office Workwear Doesn’t Have to Sacrifice Style
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Great post! It is so true about going on the defensive. I always catch myself doing that when a male coworker seems to be treating me differently and I may need to take a step back and try to access the situation as unbiased as possible…not easy for me by any means LOL
Completely agree with you there! Male or female co-worker quite frankly…haha
I used to be a teacher, which is actually one of the few fields with no wage discrimination, but I still faced plenty. Parents talked to me much differently than they would my male colleagues. I had lots of parents say terrible things about me (that were personal) and my principal’s advice was to “let it go”. Eventually I left teaching because I couldn’t handle the treatment, I DID take it personally. And when I told my principal I was going to quit he said, “If that’s the decision your husband and you have made, okay.” Can you imagine someone saying the reverse to a man?!?! Anyway, sorry for the long comment, but I connected with a lot of your points!
Falon – I’m so sorry that happened to you. It does sound like a terrible experience. Hopefully you are in a better working environment now!
Great insight! I like to think things are changing but we do still have a long way to go!
I’m lucky because I’ve never even felt tempted to act like a man in the workplace. But I’ve worked in lots of offices that are almost all women. So maybe that’s why. I don’t think I would do a very good job of acting like a man anyway.
I can’t imagine you being aggressive or tough 🙂 Great reminder of us all being different parts of one body!
“It’s not personal, it’s business” was my favorite part! I always told myself that when something happened that didn’t go the right way. I try not to let anything get to me and go with the flow.
Heaven ( awesome name by the way ) – it’s helped me a lot too!
Thank you for writing this! Hopefully this changes soon
I’ve recently had issues with a co-worker. We weren’t…aren’t getting along very well and it was hugely affecting my ability to do my job correctly. I wrote a post about how to cope with anger (I was being mistreated and lied about) This post served as a good reminder. And so does this post!
Elizabeth – that sounds like a much-needed post as well! I’d love to read it.
I definitely struggle with the whole not wanting to cry in the workplace thing. It’s not because I’m overly emotional or people are mean, but just because when I get frustrated (whether provoked by MYSELF or others), I cry to release the tension which is hard because it could easily raise questions. When that happens, I usually shut my office door and let myself cry until I feel a bit better.
Katie – I totally feel better after a good cry too and I’m not a very emotional person either!
Great post! Unfortunately many women don’t even know they are being discriminated against because many times it’s built right into our system of business. Many women think they haven’t ever faced discrimination based on their gender, but in reality it was just so subtle and accepted that they didn’t recognize it. On average, white women make 20% less than their male counterparts. Black women make 26% less. That in and of itself is discrimination that many women don’t know they suffer from.
Love this, Sarah! You do such an awesome job at addressing this issue. I find that many articles on this issue just bash men and make them sound like awful people- this drives me BONKERS! So I am thankful that you showed the positives of both men and women and showed how they can better help and work with each other!
Thanks, Kristin! We both have strengths and weaknesses 🙂
Women absolutely face challenges at work and often times the challenges we face don’t only come from the men (not all men cause problems, of course). In fact, often time we put extra pressure on ourselves making for our own challenges AND are challenged by other women who feel threatened. No matter what the challenge is, it all stems from one fact: gender inequality. If women did not feel like they were competing for that 1 seat at the table, they would lift each other up far more frequently. And if women did not feel they had to work extra hard to get things done, we would take a little pressure off of ourselves. Thanks for a great post! Such an important topic!
xo, Taylor (thesprinkle.tayloramead.com)
This is my favorite post of yours so far! I love how you blended your personal experiences with interesting research – so fun to read. I couldn’t agree more that it’s all about playing to your strengths, while being aware of your weaknesses and opportunities for growth. Personally, I know that my (stereotypically feminine) abilities to communicate, build relationships, and empathize with people will get me far – but when I find myself feeling doubtful of my own abilities, I remind myself that women tend to be unnecessarily hard on themselves and are held back because of it. I’ve been able to build up my confidence a lot over the last several years by taking the approach of knowing I’m harder on myself than anyone else would be, and that I underestimate my own talents – so it really is about faking it until you make it/believe it, I think!
Yes I’m a big believer in faking until I make it too. haha. Glad you enjoyed, Robin and thanks for your insight, too!
great post! i’ve been very supported as a women in the workplace. BUT when i became pregnant i was suddenly transported back 50 years and had to hear all about how there was no way i was coming back and i might as well give up my career now. so it exists, it’s just not as rampant.
Extremely well written and yes women still and probably will always have a harder time in the work place.
I like the idea of using our strengths as women in the workplace, and also the scripture, Romans 12:2. This is an important topic. Thanks for addressing it!
Yes yes yes!!!! I used to work in a very male dominated company (40 males, 3 females) and I STRUGGLED. I was often depressed and felt like I was being treated very unfairly. Now I’m in a company that is much more acceptable to women and oh what a difference it makes in how I can handle my job.
I love your story about picking fights with a coworker because you were getting defensive, I can COMPLETELY relate!
Great post! As a teacher (a predominantly female profession) I have not run into things like this, but I know friends that have.
That’s true I haven’t heard many teachers talk about this.
This is such an interesting topic! God has wired men and women so differently, and we can work together so we’ll if we recognize and grow in that.
I love how he gave each men and women their own strengths to be used together!
So true and such a great post! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks, Camela!