Hi. I’m Sarah and I sometimes struggle with discontentment, and right now that discontentment is centered on living in D.C. and comparing myself to others on social media. It’s just awful, living in this beautiful city, steps away from the U.S. Capitol building and being forced to do things like kayak on the Potomac River on the weekends. Or being forced to look at pretty pictures on Instagram while I wait at the dentist. Silly, I know. But my discontentment has more to do with with self-pity than my actual circumstances. So I’m learning how to fight discontentment and pursue happiness instead.
It’s not that I’m unhappy. In fact, day to day I am. I love my job, my husband, my apartment, my cat. I love the fact that I can walk everywhere and there are opportunities here in D.C. that I would not be able to get anywhere else.
But it’s almost like in my mind I have my bags already packed, waiting for an opportunity to get out of here. Which is not helpful when your husband loves his job and this city.
But I am no city girl. A lot of days I feel drained by the constant noise and commotion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s no New York City, but I still wake up to most days to the sound of a fire truck siren than birds.
That’s just circumstantial, though.
Sure, I’d love to live in a real house and have a garden and not be surrounded by activity all day long, but to say that causes my discontentment is the same as saying those things – although good – is the root of my joy. They’re not. Too often I let things like four walls of a building or lack of quiet dictate my happiness instead of my faith in God, relationship with Christ and knowledge of His deep and everlasting love for me.
Plus, I feel like there is this pressure to always.be.doing.something here. Every night there are five different activities or events you could attend. And if you just want to stay home and watch Jeopardy it makes you feel like you are missing out on life. (PS, you’re not. Staying home ROCKS, just read about it in this post The Benefits of Staying Home More Often.
Part of my problem is because I am an introvert. And let’s be honest, more outgoing/type A people are drawn to cities, so it makes sense that they would constantly be wanting to plan events and get together. But it’s draining! Some good news, I am working on that though. I even wrote a post on how to host better if you’re an introvert and if you’re an extrovert it might give you some insight into our hermit minds.
But I digress!
The other part of my discontent problem – and I’d say probably my main problem – is social media. And I have a feeling this is a big one for many of you too.
How to Fight Discontentment in an Instagram Perfect World
Now, I will make a quick note that I don’t think social media affects my discontentment of living in D.C. I just miss my family and the slower pace in Buffalo. It DOES, however, play a huge role in day-to-day discontentment. Even if I lived in Buffalo social media is such a part of our lives I think I’d still feel like I was missing out on some fun somewhere and comparing my life to other exciting lives.
That’s because thanks to Instagram we have access to beautiful women with adorable well- behaved children in their gorgeous, perfect homes – but most of the world is only putting their best face forward on social media.
(To those that post photos of your hair looking messy and kid having a tantrum – thank you for reminding us of real life!)
For the most part though, and believe me I’m as guilty as the rest, I only post positive things on Facebook or Instagram. There’s nothing wrong with that either. When I got the Norovirus in December I didn’t take a quick selfie of myself puking my guts out to post the next day. No one wants to see that and there is just no reason to share those details of my life. (Except right now. You’re welcome!)
Instead, I post photos of when my husband and I take a trip together, my nieces and nephews, my cat (so, so many. I’m sorry), and flowers. These things make me happy and I like being able to come back and look at them. I don’t think the majority of people post things to make others envious, we just post what we like.
The problem is we only see everyone else’s good and think no one else is going through the bad things we are. OR we let our self-esteem be affected by not getting enough “likes.”
The root of discontentment is simply not getting what we want when we want it.
Whether that’s because of our circumstances, or seeing someone on Instagram that has something we want.
Today, take a note of all the things you complain about it. I’m guessing the real root of all your complaints are because you didn’t get your way in a situation. Your boss gave you too much work. Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend seemed short with you. Or your kids were acting up. You don’t have enough money to afford that vacation you really need. You best friend canceled plans, again. Only 10 people liked the photo you posted after your hike. SAD!
If we truly want to be content, we must first flee from things that cause us to be discontent, I call them Discontentment Killers.
How to Fight Discontentment
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1. A focus on self and entitlement
When you notice yourself complaining a lot or having a pity party for yourself what you’re really saying is, “Me! Me! Me!” People that are focused on others do not have time to worry about what they are not getting or who is not paying attention to them. As a whole, we also feel very entitled. We often feel we deserve a high-paying job that doesn’t require us to work one hour longer than we want to, a supermodel boyfriend/girlfriend, exotic vacations and in my case…my dream home ASAP! But life doesn’t care if we feel entitled. Sometimes we get what we deserve, and sometimes we don’t. Focusing on what we don’t have will only cause a downward spiral of discontentment where we feel like nothing in our life is good.
2. Letting circumstances or people dictate your happiness
We let circumstances and people dictate our happiness when we compare our lives to theirs. Again, social media is not helpful here and I really do believe is killing our self-esteem.
I recently read a great blog post about how we’re only viewing people’s highlight reels on social media. Meanwhile, we never see what goes on behind the scenes. Their life is not as great as it is pictured on Instagram or Facebook – plus real life doesn’t come with pretty filters. We need to stop comparing our bad to everyone else’s highlight reel.
We also – and I’m speaking from experience here – let people steal our discontentment by their actions. No one wants to be stepped on or spoken rudely. At the end of the day, WE are in charge of our feelings. As much as we’d like to (and sometimes I really would like to!) we cannot control what other people do. Sure, there are people in our lives we need to distance ourselves from, but I recently realized that God brings difficult people into my life not to annoy me – but to refine me, soften my hardened edges or even bring joy in a way I would not have otherwise experienced.
3. Worry and Emotions
I’m constantly guilty of letting worry kill my contentment. I’m what you’d call an “anxious person” and if there is something to fret about, chances are I’m doing it. The Bible tells us not to worry about what we will wear or eat (or in my case many, many other things…) but instead to focus on today. If we fully trusted God and His plan, what would be left to worry about? (Easier said than done, I understand. BELIEVE ME. I’m a work in progress.)
If we truly want contentment but must do more than just stop focusing on ourselves or complaining, we must be proactive about chasing it as well.
How to Pursue Happiness
1. Fake it to You Make It – Gratitude Style!
Here’s a mini homework assignment. This week every morning before you get out of bed list 10 things you are thankful for (I then thank God for giving me those things!) It may feel fake at first but I assure you, with constant practice, you’ll find a change in attitude. If you need extra help, check out this post on What To Do When You Don’t Feel Grateful.
2. Turn Your Thoughts From Yourself to Others
I need to take my own advice here because most of the time I’m trying to run away to be by myself. But the second greatest cure to discontentment is focusing on others. If you’re unhappy most of the time chances are you’re focusing on yourself too much. Start small. This week list a few friends you’ve lost touch with to send a kind note to. Or call them up. Or offer to grab lunch and make a note NOT to talk about yourself, but ask them how their life has been.
RELATED: Do you know someone you’d consider an enemy? Here is how to turn them into a friend!
3. Be Creative with Serving Others
If you’re doing the above that naturally lends itself to serving others. Offer to make dinner for a friend, look for ways to volunteer at your church or in the community. Find a young person to mentor. I have a long way to go with this step too, so don’t feel discouraged. You can serve in small ways every day. Dealing with difficult people at work? Look for ways to serve them and show kindness instead. Or how about you’re frustrated with a friend who seems distant? Reach out and think of ways you could bless their life.
While it may not seem natural, we must learn to ditch discontentment. Because true contentment really does lie in focusing on others instead of self, and turning our complaints to praise.
Give it a shot. You may find not only the key to contentment but also true happiness as well. And if you need a little extra boost, ditch Instagram for a week, too.
“But Godliness with contentment is great gain” – 1 Timothy 6:6
RELATED: 3 Lessons I Learned about Contentment from My Garden
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I love that you wrote this. It’s crazy, but within the community of bloggers and Instagrammers, it’s so easy to get caught up in discontentment. It’s nuts to me that social media can do that to us, but it does, and it’s so real! Thanks for sharing your tips…gonna share this on my blog’s FB page! <3
Thank you for the share! And yes, even among friends we can find comparing outselves.
Love this! You wrote what everyone is thinking for sure. It is so hard in a “picture perfect” world. I want to see the messy stuff, that stuff makes me feel normal. 😉 Thank you for sharing, from one introvert to another.
Yay introverts! 🙂
This is awesome. One of my favorite pieces of advice about fighting agains the discontentment we sometimes feel when we scroll through social media is “When you compare yourself to others, you either wind up feeling smug or small.” I try to remind myself of that and move away from the urge to compare when I’m using social media. Thanks for writing this piece!
Kelly – that’s a great piece of advice!
Thank you for sharing! This is a great reminder! I will definitely try adding the gratitude practice into my morning routine!
Turning your thoughts from yourself to others has helped me so much. I love all of these reminders to be present and thankful.
Yes! Thinking of others helps us forget about ourselves.
I absolutely love this! I feel like it is so easy to get sucked into comparison and it truly is the thief of joy! I love all of your tips and advice!
Thank you so much, Laura. We have to arm ourselves against it! haha
Such an awesome post, Sarah! It’s become increasingly easier to obsess over social media and stats and comparing yourself to others, but at the end of the day all it’s really doing is draining us of our happiness. I really love all the tips you shared here and especially like the one about shifting your focus off yourself to helping others. When I personally find myself pouting over something insignificant, I ask myself the question of “Will this matter a year from now?” If I can quickly say no, then I let it go and move on. Life’s too short, ya know? Great post!
Cara – I like that tip about asking whether it will matter in a year!! I think that will help me put a lot of things in perspective.
Great tips. I think Instagram puts us all in a discontentment mindset. Its hard when you need it to promote your career yet it brings you down when it looks like everyone is moving ahead faster than you. I agree Stay in Your Lane and focus on yourself!
xoxo Christie
http://icanstyleu.com/blog/
Oh man I know that feeling! Yes, focus on what we CAN do, and rejoicing with others, because one day someone might be looking at us that way!
These were wonderful tips! Being a blogger can be so overwhelming at times trying to get that perfect post. One tip I could offer is to set aside one day for a photoshoot for content for the entire month. That way there is no pressure to look good except for that one day. 🙂
That’s a great practical tip!
Great post! It’s so easy to get caught-up in the fake reality of social media! I think it’s so important to practice gratitude, daily, and to remember Instagram isn’t all as it seems!
Lauren
http://www.basicbabelauren.com
I can totally relate to this! I am an introvert who has been living in a city for the past few years. People and the noise drains me! I’ll have to check out your post on how to host better! Thank you!
Oh, I so sympathize! But we can do it!!
This post is much needed, I can totally relate to myself with many things you are saying here. I’m struggling constantly comparing myself to others and hard for me to be happy with what I have done or have. Thanks for sharing all these tips, need to put them into practice from now onwards.
xx Ashon
http://ashonfashionary.com/back-to-vintage-style-floral-midi-dress-baker-boy-cap/
You and I both! Good luck – we can do it 🙂
oh yes, when I scroll through instagram and my husband catching me he calls is fomoing.
hahahaha
such a great post! i try very hard not to compare myself to someones curated feed.
Exactly. EXACTLY.
Sarah, I am so happy you shared this. Just this morning, a group of ladies and myself were discussing Instagram and the ‘picture’ perfect but not real world that bombards us. Social media can definitely put a lot of pressure on us, and a spirit of discontentment can easily creep in. I would love to see more reality shots, and see a shift in the focus on Instagram. On the other note, I keep a gratitude journal and find that the more I do for others, the less concern or worry I have about and for myself.
Lisa, I would love to see more realistic posts too. Even if the pictures were still pretty, at least an honest caption every now and then would be refreshing. 🙂
“We are only viewing people’s highlight reels on social media.” I wish more people would realize this. It’s so important that we don’t compare our lives to what we see online cause we never get the behind-the-scenes looks.
Precisely. We compare our bad to their best! It’s just not the truth.
What a wonderful post and such a lovely read (and so full of truth, too)! Social media can really play a huge role in discontentment…if we let it. Like you say, practicing gratitude really shifts one’s attitude and perspective on so many things in life #livethelittlethings 🙂 This is a post I’m sharing…it’s full of wisdom! Thanks for taking the time to write such an inspirational post! Loved it! (I also need to read your post about hosting while being an introvert…I’m somewhere between an introvert and extrovert…selectively social, maybe? Lol..but I definitely need to read that post!)
Thanks for your kind words and sharing it! And haha…I like selectively social! I feel that way sometimes, too 🙂
This is such a relevant post. Practicing gratitude helps in so many situations and also gives you a different perspective. Once I ditched Instagram for a week and I lost more than 20 followers and at that moment I realized, it is good that people who didn’t matter unfollowed me. Great post!
P.S: I hate follow and unfollow on social media
Follow unfollow is the worst! And yes, avoiding social media for a few days can definitely perk us up 🙂
When I remember that social media is a highlight reel, I can then focus on cheering others on. Of course, it is hard to remember this at times! When I see certain photos all the insecurities come flooding in. Definitely a battle to fight! I love your tips to choose gratitude! Such a great reminder!!!
Thanks, Keri! I love that you cheer people on. I want to be better at that!
I really love all your actionable tips here!! I’m fighting extreme discontentment at my office job – I’d rather be focusing on my online business and working from home! I know I need to focus more on showing gratitude that I have a stable full time job that is actually in my degree field, pays me enough that I can pay my bills, and has really great people who care about helping me learn. Thanks for the reminder!
We all have those days so I get it!
Thanks for being so honest! I struggle with comparing my real life to everyone else’s social media life…a lot. I see my life as boring compared to all these images I’m seeing friends and family and fellow bloggers post of great and beautiful adventures. It’s hard. But you gave some really awesome tips – I definitely want to focus on that gratitude one. XO
You and me both 🙂
It’s so hard not to compare yourself with others on social media! It’s true they are only going to show the highlights of their lives and not the bad. Also, I’m a small town girl so I cannot imagine how overwhelming it is to move to a fast-paced city!
Slowly you get used to it, but still long for some tranquility. haha!
So glad you shared this! It really is super important that social media be used as a platform to boost self esteem not tear it down.
The digital world has made it an entirely different place to live in these days… this was a really interesting article, I’m so glad you took the time to write it! xo, Suzanne
This is amazing. Fake drives me crazy. It’s hard to be real in a fake world but, like you, I feel like it will pay off in the end!!!
I just loved absolutely everything about this post! Thank you for putting this out there and letting me know that I’m not the only one!
I know the exact Type A party planner you’re talking about – and that’s definitely the opposite of me! I definitely believe in the fake it until you make it strategy. I also believe in the sometimes you have to hole yourself up for some me time strategy. It’s all about balance, right?
Girl! This is spot on. I love that you give so many great tips. Gratitude is the best way to recognize all the great things we have. When we focus on it, it helps put things in to perspective for sure.
OMG SARAH I cannot even adequately express how much I Lovelovelove this post!!! You’re SO true – letting other people be in control of our happiness, essentially, ends up being sotoxic and really a road straight to discontentment station. We have to be the ones calling the shots for what really matters to US!
Coming Up Roses
Amen to that! At the end of the day we decide whether we are happy 🙂
Is it sad to say I haven’t even dived into the Instagram world yet?? I’m behind!
haha not at alL! Probably sparing yourself some discontentment 😉
Discontentment on Instagram is so real! I just try to focus on the good in life and how I can better my overall life experiences.
Contentment is so important for sure! I know it’s hard for many because of social media but it’s definitely possible!
There are IG accounts that make you want to live their lives because it looks really perfect. But, I love my imperfect life. I try to post nice pics for niceness’ sake but that’s it. 🙂
Great lessons here. Millennials should know this especially.
this is amazing! we do live in a picture perfect world and it’s so easy to compare to others based upon what we think we see – love love this piece!
I call it Comparison-itis and it is a disease!