What Introverts and Extroverts Can Learn From Each Other
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but here I go. A few weeks ago my husband and I arrived early at church and sat down in our seats. I was hungry and wanted to see if there were any snacks, but also torn because I feared that if I got up someone would try to talk to me.
As soon as I walk in the door each week someone is trying to shake my hand or worse – hug me! As my husband and I make our way to our seats we have to say good morning to at least five more people. Then after the time of worship, I hear the feared “Turn around and greet at least six people! Don’t forget to tell them your name and your favorite color. And heck…let’s give each other big hugs today too!”
I am an introvert. And if you’ve ever been to a church you may have noticed that they are geared towards extroverts.
And that’s just one day of the week. There are small groups, community groups, volunteer groups, dinner groups. Plus, I work 50+ hours a week and also participate in activities such as eating, exercising, sleeping and doing laundry. About time someone asks me if I want to join another group, I feel completely overwhelmed.
There is no question about it: churches are geared towards extroverts. But does that mean they should cater to introverts? The answer is a strong resounding “No!”
As an introvert, I can only imagine what churches would look like if we ran them:
No one would ever greet anyone at the door, tell newcomers where to go, or that they were glad they came that day. No one would catch up before service started, but instead – maybe – quietly chat with the person they sat next to.
Introverts would never initiate a small group, but we’d feel guilty about not doing it, so we’d hold one at random nights and only send out an invite – last minute – through a text. We may give lots of money to our church and community, but be nervous about actually going out into the community.
We need extroverts to keep the church going. Introverts need extroverts to reach out to the lost and lonely, and not be shy about inviting their co-worker to church. We need extroverts to plan activities and groups that push us all towards spiritual maturity. Goodness, the church NEEDS extroverts, or there probably would be no Church.
We introverts have a lot to learn from extroverts. We need to learn to initiate friendships, make small talk because that often leads to deeper conversations about our faith, and how that greeting in the morning may do nothing for you, but it’s maybe the highlight of someone else’s day.
We need to learn that we need to go out and be the hands and feet of Christ as we are called to be, and not just the heart sitting at home sending out prayers and good thoughts. Introverts need to learn that someone physically needs to set up the booths and games for the community event that brings non-believers into your doors.
But extroverts can learn from introverts, too.
They can learn that it’s okay to not attend every single social event. Because sometimes it’s better to stay home and spend time with God, or even just with your thoughts.
They can learn that sometimes the quietest person in the room has the most insightful to say. And that while they may not like to be called out in a crowd to speak, they do like opportunities to raise their hand and give their input.
Extroverts can also learn that just because someone doesn’t appear friendly or cringes when you hug them, that they actually can be kind and warm people. Keep asking them to grab coffee or lunch. Eventually, they’ll say yes and you both will be blessed by it.
The point is: extroverts can learn the benefits of a quiet and peaceful life from introverts. They can learn that’s it is okay to say no, and that they will be blessed by spending more time alone with God.
Introverts can learn how to stretch themselves with our schedules from those friendly extroverts. We can learn how to initiate conversations and friendships, and yes, even give an occasional hug or two.
I’m so grateful for what I’ve learned from my extroverted friends, and while I may still be occasionally awkward and recluse, I’m learning to push myself.
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Great post! I am an introvert as well.
I’m an introvert and have a rough time going to church and talking to everyone. Especially since we don’t go to church regularly, so it’s all new people.
I hear ya – that would definitely be tough. Hopefully if you get to know them better that part at least will be a little easier.
Interesting post! Never thought of it that way, but yes- churches are very geared toward extroverts.
Alix | http://www.apintsizedlife.com
Love this post! I definitely agree that someone who seems shy or standoffish does not mean that they are not warm and kind. I used to think that about people until I realized they are simply introverts [as myself] and not as outgoing as an extrovert [how I used to believe I was]. Getting to know the “quiet ones” can definitely be a blessing you do not expect!
Absolutely Erin! Especially in one-on-one settings…as you know, that’s where we tend to open up a bit more. 🙂
My husband and I are both introverts but I am an extroverted introvert if that makes sense?
I’ve heard there are a good number of out-going extroverts! You’re good with people but just need some time to recharge after probably. I think that’s a great one to be!
What a great post and so true. As a fellow introvert I feel your pain. But well done for overcoming xx
haha thanks, Sara!
Oh, goodness. You’ve just explained one of the reasons we always get to church late! :/
hahahaa! I hear ya! 😉
Hello, I found you through the #weekendblogshare.
What an insightful post. You are able to see the positive aspects of both personality types. I’m an introvert to the core. I honestly avoid going to synagogue (yes, I’m Jewish!) because I am not great at small talk. I freeze up, even with people I have known my whole life. So when my mother does convince me to go, people are all the more likely to want to talk because I don’t attend very often. I’ve often felt pressured to overcome this personal anxiety and I like how you’ve highlighted what can be learned from both sides of the coin.
I can definitely relate. Both sides have room to grow though!
this is great! As someone who can be both introverted and extroverted, I find this very accurate!
Ooh that’s a good combo!
I so appreciate that you took the time to write about this! I can totally relate.
Thank you, Betsy!
That’s a really good idea – and a really unique way of seeing things.
http://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/
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Thanks for giving a clear understanding to one of the big struggles for introverts in going to church. Great post!
Thanks, Deb!
I love this, we can all learn from each other. I am an INFJ personality, and we can sometimes be seen as an Extrovert but also are more like an Introvert. I am a very private person although I love people there are times when I am feeling so many feels that I don’t want to talk to anyone, and church is one of those places. Not that I keep my faith to myself, but sometimes God is so big to me, so filling that it’s hard to socialize.
I can learn so much from others, especially in church, when we are working together, as Christians, and I think that we are put together to learn from each other. Isn’t that the coolest? God’s not too busy to make sure that we are hooked up with others who can help us on our way. But he also hooks us up with others so that they can learn from us. xx
Nikki you said it so well – God hooks us up with others to not only help us, but that they can learn from us too. It truly is a “body” of Christ then.
I love this post Sarah!! I’m an introvert too and I can relate to all the points you made!
Haha it’s a small world!
I laughed so hard at the begining of your post. I GET it! I am not a touchy person and hate social events ESPECIALLY family events because everyone wants to hug me. Nope. I have a large bubble and prefer it to remain big. I would probably stay put too!
Thanks for sharing at #bloggerspotlight! Don’t forget to come link up tomorrow night and see who got featured!
Will do! And yah…every week i’m like “oh no..i’m going to get hugged…”
Very well written, I used to be an introvert but since I moved to a different country where I always felt at home, I have blossomed and am now very much an extrovert!
Oh that’s great! I think i’ll always be an introvert. 🙂
I’m an introvert that can be extroverted but prefer being on my own a lot of the time. This makes a lot of sense to me – a lot of things in life is geared towards extroverts!
It’s true! Although my husband refutes this claim, I read that introverts are more rare so that’s why. haha
The crazy thing about me is that I am somewhat introverted until I get on the stage and then my personality changes and I become an entirely different paerson.
I actually enjoy public speaking as well! It is very odd. 🙂
This was great for me to read. As I am writing this I have to leave in half an hour to a social event at church. I have spent the last three hours saying to myself “I don’t want to go – I just want to stay home”. I want to go and I know I will be glad I did but I love just being in my own little world. Well I had better go get ready!!
haha oh Linda – I can relate! 🙂
I love this post. This is so true. When I go to church and they say meet and greet, It is interesting when people come from all corners of the church to just say hello and to tell you they love and appreciate seeing you today. I love my church for that.
It can definitely be a blessing!