By Guest Post Contributor Sara Fore –
We’ve all known that girl: single and determined to stick it out–committed to waiting for the man that God has for her. But then, something happens. She gets bored, lonely, and sick of waiting (don’t we all at times?). Instead of joyfully heading down the aisle with the type of guy she was waiting on–the one who loves God loves others, and loves his woman–she settled. You pray for her, and you decide that at all costs, you won’t let it happen to you.
If you’re a woman who didn’t plan to be single at this point in your life, you’re in good company. I hadn’t planned on being almost 31 and still waiting for that part of my life to commence. But hang in there sister–don’t throw in the towel quite yet. You don’t have to settle! And while you’re busy not settling, you don’t have to live a miserable life either.
Single and Don’t Want To Settle?
1.) Don’t give in to the lies.
The enemy will try and tell you that you’re single for a reason. He’ll try to trounce on any smidgen of joy and hope that you possess and tell you that you’re not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not nice enough, not a good enough Christian… Don’t give in to it! He comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Listen to this, and let it sink in: YOU ARE ENOUGH. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
2. )Know that you are wise.
Don’t listen to people who don’t have any idea of what they’re talking about. We’ve all been there: you’re talking to a sweet old lady at church about the weather and BOOM! Out of nowhere, it’s the “Are you still single??” question. Listen, it’s going to happen. People are going to say things without realizing that your heart is already vulnerable and your eyes can spontaneously erupt with tears at any moment. What people don’t understand is that staying single when you desire to be married takes WISDOM. Sure, you could be married to a sketchy guy or a guy who doesn’t really love Jesus if you wanted to, but you’re choosing to hold out for God’s best. And that, my friend, is commendable. That takes integrity, stamina, patience, and wisdom. So don’t sell yourself short! You’re doing a good thing.
3.) Have a strong and deep relationship with God.
In this season of life, you have a lot more time to spend with God than you will as a married woman (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-35). It’s much easier to get alone with Him now than it will be when you’re trying to make dinner and change a diaper simultaneously. So do it! Go deep with Him. Create habits now that will serve you well for the rest of your life. Get in the habit of reading God’s Word and develop an intimate prayer life. Use this time of singleness for His glory, and grow in your walk with Him.
4.) Serve!
Decide that in this season of singleness, you will use this time to serve the Lord. Get involved at your church. Lead a small group. Become a youth leader. Sing on the worship team. Make the coffee on Sunday mornings. Find what you love to do, and use your gifting to serve in the church. You’ll feel more fulfilled, the church will benefit, and you may inspire others to volunteer.
5.) Don’t put your life on hold.
Don’t think that you need to save adventures and adult life for when you’re married. Live a full, exciting, adventurous life! Buy a house and decorate it the way you’d like to. (It may be the only time in your life you can buy a pink comforter without hearing complaints.) Go on a day trip with friends. Travel and see the world. Last year, I bought a house, and months later, I traveled around Ireland for two weeks. I’m so thankful to have these life-enriching experiences. Don’t put your life on hold. Visit friends. Host dinner parties and game nights. Have fun!
6.) Don’t worry about being the third wheel.
Do you ever tend to shy away from gatherings where you know you’ll be the only single person? Here’s a word of advice–don’t! Hanging out with married couples can be fun, and they can be a living example for you of what it looks like to wait (or not wait) for the right person. And don’t tell yourself the lie that married people only want to hang out with married people. You’re their friend, and it’s YOU they want to spend time with.
7.) Learn to have fun with yourself.
I love spending time with friends. Going out to eat, hiking, and going to concerts are all things that I love to do with friends. But I know that I can’t surround myself with people 24/7. I’ve had fewer times of loneliness once I learned to have fun alone. I remember the first time I realized I could go to the movies by myself–and thoroughly enjoy it! It was a turning point for me. I realized that I don’t always have to have another person with me in order to have fun. Find something you enjoy doing, and try doing it alone! Usually, shop with friends? Try it solo! Know a safe place where you can take a nice walk alone? Do it! Learn to enjoy your times of solitude, and it will make for less lonely moments.
8.) Have standards.
Have you written a list of what you want in a man? I’m not talking about “blond hair, blue eyes, six-pack”. I mean, have you written a list of character qualities you’d like in a man? I challenge you to pray and ask God what He would have your standards be, write them down, and tell a friend! Telling friends that you trust and asking them to keep you accountable is a great way to ensure that you won’t settle. They can also be on the lookout for you!
9. Ask others to pray.
As you’re praying for your future husband, ask those close to you to pray for him as well. The next time some well-meaning person at church asks you when you’re getting married, or why you’re still single, your response can be “I’d appreciate your prayers!” I have so many people at my church praying for me that I’m convinced that when my future husband does show up, half the church will greet him with “Ah, it’s you! We’ve been waiting for you!”
10. Trust God.
Above all, trust your Creator–the One who does exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! Trust Him, get to know Him through reading His Word and talking with Him, and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. He has great plans for you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
Keep in mind that the waiting will not last forever. Hang in there, sister! Someday all of the hoping, the waiting, and the tears will be worth it, and you’ll be glad you didn’t settle for less than God’s best. Until then, get out there and enjoy life!
Related: Check out this article on 5 Marriage Lessons after 5 Years of Marriage that has some great advice for people dating too.
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Sara Fore serves as the Ministry Operations Coordinator & Youth Director at Grace Fellowship Church in Shillington, PA. She’s passionate about the local church and seeing people seek God with their whole hearts. In her spare time she enjoys being with friends & family, listening to good music, drinking strong coffee, and spoiling her niece and four nephews.
PS: You also might be interested in this post!
Well said Sara, very encouraging!!
Thanks, Lori!
What a great post! And most of those points I needed reminded on. 🙂 I’m only twenty, so I haven’t been traveling the single road long, but I tell ya, when people around you (sometimes it seems like everyone!) is trying to set you up or asking you about this person, it gets a little hard to keep your mind on what God wants. It’s not that I don’t appreciate people looking out for me, I just know…now’s not the time. I know He wants me to simply trust Him right now. He’s confirmed that many many times, especially the 10th point of your post.
Thank you so much for writing this and encouraging other women to seek the Lord’s best!
~Haley
I hear ya, Haley. It can be hard when everyone around you is trying to set you up or suggest people to you; that happens to me a lot, too. People will accuse you of being picky, but you’ll know when someone is right for you. The Holy Spirit will confirm it. Hang in there. Keep trusting God and keep holding onto His promises! God bless you!
Love this, Sara! I definitely could have used something like this when I was single. It’s very true though, settling can be very dangerous, but waiting until God places the one He has for you in your life is by far the best thing in the world! Even if you have to wait. I waited until I was 28, almost settled numerous times – but am so glad I waited. Thanks for writing – and you are in my prayers 🙂
Thanks, Rach! I am so happy for you and for the blessings God has brought into your life. Thanks for the prayers. I appreciate them!!! God bless you and your little family!
All very good encouraging points. Be content in the season God placed you in. Enjoy this season. Travel, try new things. Do them now. God knows the plans He has for you. Trust Him.
Thanks Debbie! I’ve been learning that this is the time to do new things. I can be thankful for free time to try new things and enjoy myself!
Very good tips, Sara. It’s so important not to “settle” but to go on blooming right where God has planted us. It’s not easy, but God has promised He’ll be with us in whatever situation He has put us in. Your neighbor at Lori’s 🙂
Thanks, Trudy! It’s really reassuring to know that God is with me, and though I may be surprised at what life brings along, He’s not! God bless!
HI Sara,
This post is SO good! There is too much pressure put on women to have to be married. I know it has gotten better over the years, but it is still there! I love this encouragement and hope you share with these words. I am sharing it everywhere! (look into the click-to-tweet plugin. You have such great lines in here that would be wonderful for instant tweets and it would get your message out to more sweet women who need to hear it!;-) )
Thank you so much for linking this post up with me at #MomentsofHope! I’m honored to have you sharing this beautiful hope with me!!!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Thank you for the kind words, Lori. That is my hope–that I can encourage others with what I’ve learned over the years. God is so faithful, and He can use our stories to help others.
Glad you liked it, and thank you for the shares!
God bless 🙂
Wow!! I have really enjoyed reading this piece. You are such a blessing for the body of Christ. Blessings
Thank you Daniel! I’m glad you liked it. I appreciate you too!
My youngest daughter waited and waited, prayed and prayed, and cried and cried. She had her heart broken a time or two by those she thought might be the one. Finally, at age 32, she met and married the one God had for her all along. They are so happy, a great match, and serving God together!
Hi Sara, I never heard of you ’til tonight on Facebook, and I want to thank you for this excellent article. I’m responding to let all singles know that this happily married 61-year-old was UNHAPPILY single at 43. I had been in failed relationships and the last of those–a churchgoer–cheated on me. Yes, I was angry at God. All I could think was, “Lord, men who don’t work have wives, drunks have wives, even wife beaters have wives! I’m doing my best to follow you–and it looks like I’ll always be single.” Thank heaven He forgave me for my bad attitude. Thank heaven I also had friends praying for me! I met Deborah two years after I broke up with “the cheater,” and we got married ten months later. Today I have a beautiful, loving, caring, godly wife. We’re also in prison ministry. Our life has challenges (medical issues) and the ministry is all-consuming, but I’m pleasantly overwhelmed by my many blessings! If you’re single and don’t want to be, PLEASE don’t be discouraged. If our Lord blessed me with a Christian spouse, He’ll give you the same gift!!! 🙂
What a beautiful and blessed story. Thank you for sharing, John!
Wonderful advice for singe women, my daughter is going through this right now am praying she stays strong, the Lord already has her husband picked out, she only needs to be patient! God bless you
Jennifer – sounds like she has a great mom to give her guidance!
What a great post, very inspirational and encouraging xo
https://theninebyivana.blogspot.com/
Thanks, Ivana! God
Bless!
I really like all of these points! I’ve seen so many girls who literally just sit around waiting, but absolutely DON’T put your life on hold! Pursue a career, travel, do whatever’s on your heart, and God will bring the right man to where you are. 🙂
Love that, Abbey 🙂
I love these points. SO true!
Thanks, Neely! God bless!
These are such great tips. You are for sure enough. And I shake my head that people say “You’re still single”… I know for some that comment could really hurt.
Yes, Danielle, comments can be hurtful. But I am so thankful to have faith in God! I know he has a plan!
God bless!
Love this!
As someone who recently got out of a relationship with someone I thought I would marry, this gives me so much hope! I know there are someone even better waiting for me! Thanks for the great read.
I’m so glad it encouraged you, Jewels! I know it’s hard to see it right now, but God has great plans for you in His timing. Keep seeking Him!! God bless.